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I see you. I honor you. I acknowledge you!
We are in Sedona. Day 6 of our retreat and the much-awaited flee market shows up. We are all excited. That’s what we have been waiting for.
We stop by after our lunch, and we start going through stuff put up by various vendors. There are many shamanic goodies that lure the spirit.
Paul’s attention is drawn to a vendor–a Native American lady who has a display of goods. A necklace with turtle catches Paul’s attention. We ask the price. It feels a little over our budget. We move on.
In moving back and forth between different vendors, I am pulled back to her again. Her stall is empty, with no people. I feel pulled to ask her if she can offer her neckpiece for a certain amount. She agrees.
I call Paul back to this place.
While we are completing the transaction, I send out loud a blessing for her stall. “May you get more clients who may love your work, and may you be blessed with more customers and abundance.”
She is touched and says she really needs the blessing.
A voice in me tells me to give her a hug. She comes out, and I move to the other side of the table. We hold each other in a loving embrace while I whisper into her ear, “I see you. I honor you. I acknowledge you.”
Her eyes tear up. My heart swells up as she says, “So you see me, haan”?
In that moment, I see her. She sees me, and at that moment, unspoken love, acknowledgment, and honor are exchanged. While we are still standing at the edge of her stall, we observe customers one after another starting to gather up. She becomes busy in attending them as we quietly move away.
As we prepare to wind up our trip here in the US, it brings re-enforcement that we as humans need just that.. someone to see our essence. Someone to acknowledge how we feel. And someone to honor our unique being. And what better way in doing so, by being ME.
When I said those words, I was not being this or that. I was being ME. Expressing what I felt at that moment. Be it negotiating that price, be it offering a blessing or be it giving her a hug or whispering those words in her ears.
And as I reminiscence that moment in Sedona, it brings a certain warmth to my heart. The smile and teary eyes will always continue to be a part of me.
The quest in her spirit, which so needed to hear, “I see you. I honor you. I acknowledge you.”
Aho!
Anger: A gift or a curse?
I sat with my anger. I held its hand and thanked it. I breathed deeply. Looked at it. Acknowledged it and then asked, “Why are you here?”
“I am here,” anger replied, “because you let everyone violate you and take you for granted. You do not draw your boundaries.”
I sat there, frozen, in silence, absorbing this. Anger, which I thought was bad, which I was taught is the root cause of every evil, which I was conditioned to believe it has to be controlled, was actually playing a beautiful role in my life. It was a gift.
That made me think, “If I embraced this gift, the gift of drawing boundaries, what would happen?” “Will anger go away”?, I thought to myself.
I went on an inner pilgrimage. I went back in time and observed all incidents that had made me angry. The underlying aspect in all those situations was that I felt violated in some way. Not respected, not honored in some way. I allowed people to take away my power, I felt helpless. And there came anger to protect me. Because I could not protect or honor myself.
Anger was playing a wonderful role.
So, there I was sitting with “anger” again. “Tell me anger,” what should I do?”
Anger replied, “Draw boundaries, Re-claim your power, and I WILL BE GONE.”
You may ask, “What happened next”? “Did you apply boundaries? Did anger go away?”
“No, Not Really,” I say. It is a PART of me. How can a part of ME go away? You see, every emotion is a part of us. We are, as Carl Jung, says, a 360 degree with various personality parts.
“Then what’s the point?” you may ask.
“Well, Anger, right now stands away – maybe as a gatekeeper, guarding, not controlling – just watching whether I let any unwelcome guests inside.
As long as I don’t, it keeps quiet. The moment I “Allow” someone to take my power away, whenever I am helpless or let anyone violate or manipulate me, whenever I ‘allow’ this, the Gatekeeper comes ALIVE.
Anger is a guardian. It’s an ally. I understand it’s a gift. The more I apply and use this gift, the more it just stands at the threshold, ‘watching.’
The moment I don’t apply the gifts, it walks right back in.
Every emotion is a gift. You just have to sit with it and ask, “Why are you here? What role are you playing?”
Can you do that with your anger? With your fear, insecurity, jealousy, resistance?
Try it and share.
The Importance of Emotions
Our entire society has forgotten the importance of honoring our emotions.
“Be strong,” don’t cry, oh don’t be angry, how can you be jealous, be happy (don’t be sad), blah blah blah. All these superficial statements that we are fed since we are a child.
“Be strong” -we create a wall. We get into proving how superior and right we are every time. We fail to see other people’s point of view. We forget how to be raw and vulnerable. We forget how to be genuine and authentic. We wear the ‘mask’ of “being strong” all the time, whereas deep down we are very, very weak and our soul is crying. But how can we show that to the world?
The mind has been fed “I need to be strong” in order to survive. Our masks make us feel adequate, albeit quite artificially so. Don’t cry -We learn how to suppress our grief and sorrow. Crying is weak. Crying is shamed. Crying makes us look not strong. We have been taught to be strong, but we can’t even cry. Because crying brings us face to face with our grief and pain. And being face to face with our pain takes a tonne of courage and strength. But we are already wearing the mask of being strong. Yes, its a mask. Don’t be angry -How many times have we been shamed for being angry or aggressive. Particularly in this new age, illusionary rules which talk of love and light.
So what do we do?
We suppress all the darkness. We suppress all our shadows.
(a) Because I have to live up to the mask
(b) because society has taught me anger is bad.
But I have forgotten to acknowledge, it is the same anger which has brought revolution in many parts of the world. It has helped people fight great injustices to them and to their near and dear ones.
When our mother is angry with us, she is driving us for our greater good. When the universe is angry, it makes us want to pause and reflect upon our journey.
Anger helps us draw boundaries. Anger has many gifts.
But I have been taught and fed that anger is not good. Love is the only way. But there is anger because I love too much. There is anger because I have not felt honored in some way. It is a gift. It is a teacher.
But what do we do?
Because it is bad, we stuff it inside rather than learning how to harness it, how to connect to it, and how to channel it. So it comes out as violence. It comes out as a schoolchild shooting a gun at a co-student.
It comes out as a husband hitting his wife because she forgot to pack his bags or turn on the heater.
Yes, This is where we are as a collective. With too much wounding and too much pain. That we are even afraid to look at it in the eye and feel it.
Yes, this is where the New Age science or spirituality has gone wrong.
In indigenous societies, there was immense importance given to how a person feels. The person could go through grief and pain without feeling threatened by it. Without feeling overwhelmed by it.
What would it take for us to look at this wounding and not be overwhelmed or threatened by it? What would it take for us to teach our own self and our children how important emotions are and how to harness their energy and gifts so that they do not become something to be ashamed of but rather treat as energy which can create momentum and blessings in our life.