When a negative comment by someone or a perceived dislike of theirs or a comment on some aspect of our being disturbs our peace of mind, then it is a straight co-relation to our lack of “self-acceptance.”
When we have accepted ourselves deeply, then the labels, expectations, judgements, comments, dislike of others to our being stop affecting us. The deeper the self-acceptance, the lesser the pain that the outside world “perceivably” flings at us.
Then we feel less awkwardness in being who we are and move deeper to our owning of the Self.
To the extent we worry or are bothered by others’ labels, titles, expectations, comments, likes or dislikes, to the extent their approval matters, to that extent our self-acceptance has not deepened yet.
Of course it is not a one day, one month thing. It is always a work in progress and it gets deeper by the day, provided we are aware it is an issue around self-acceptance. The co-relation between these aspects is not even subliminal. It is so direct. This is also a part of Self Love.
Here are some words we can repeat to ourselves to begin our self-love journey:
✨ I choose to leave toxic spaces where my Being is not accepted, valued and respected.
✨ I choose to let go of those people and spaces that are not in honour and integrity of who I am.
✨ I choose to let go of spaces where there is no freedom to BE ME.
✨ I choose to not fight every battle. It’s ok to leave without explaining and expecting a different treatment.
✨ I choose to leave and not return if there are no apologies in the form of changed behaviour.
✨ I choose to be with myself than with people who violate my integrity, trust, respect and freedom over and over again.
✨ I choose to forgive but not return to spaces that violated me or ostracised me.
✨ I choose not to prove my worth or my significance by martyring my well-being repeatedly.
✨ I choose not to seek validation for my presence or essence.
✨ I choose to honour my anger and all my emotions and acknowledge them fully.
✨ I choose my freedom over false acceptance to fit in.
✨ I choose to wait for the right people to walk in and fill that space.
✨ I choose to surrender my pain of not being included but I also choose to breathe and believe that I cannot at any cost undermine the journey of the SELF.
✨ My unbecoming journey is painful but I choose to grow despite unconscious resistance if any.
✨ I choose self-love and self-acceptance over acceptance by others.
Grandfather sky, the wind spirits, the bird people, father sun called out to me. (In shamanism, we refer to all of nature as all our relations and we call them by addressing them as people. Such as tree people, mountain people, rock people, flower people and so on).
Source: Pinterest
I needed to be in the open to experience the vastness of the sky, the gentle soothing morning breeze on my face, sun and his heat to warm my empty broken spirit and the lightness of the birds – flying overhead, making eye contact and chirping.
Although my knees were hurting, I made an endeavour to climb the staircase to reach the terrace of my building.
Grandfather sky welcomed me with a broad smile. I felt alive. It was as if a protective guardian/Elder was watching over me. The early morning breeze caressed my cheeks and that began my communion with nature.
I walked back and forth, prayed to the sun, watched the birds and suddenly a wave of grief engulfed me.
My body was enjoying the experience and yet I couldn’t understand why grief came upon me.
Source: Pinterest
I walked a couple of rounds on the terrace. It reminded me of the good old days when I have sat on this terrace, did my shamanic work, prayed for my depression and have been showered with many a guidance while I navigate through multiple shamanic initiations in my current journey.
This terrace has beautifully held me, enveloped me with its love, been a container of all my emotions and illnesses. It has been a witness to my twin flame journey when we both went to witness sunrise and prayed for my twin’s hernia surgery.
We have sat there in mild winter sunlight and we have drummed quite a bit as well.
The terrace with the vastness of the sky above it always reminds me and helps me re-member my vastness, grandeur and flight whenever I seem to forget that in the scheme of mundane chores and challenges.
During covid, when I had no one to talk to (Paul was in the US at the time) or after Paul’s passing in 2021, the terrace has been my single most loyal companion.
It has listened to my cries and screams, celebrated my drumming, welcomed my prayers when I sat on the staircase to help departed souls transition with ease during covid. It has been in full partnership with me. I have received from this terrace like I have not received from a human friend.
It has reminded me over and over again that I am not alone and that the whole universe is working with me and for me and is there for me.
So today, as I prayed for divine grace to bring ease to my spiritual journey, I cried and at the same time, felt so much gratitude for this space.
In, shamanism, we believe that EVERYTHING IS ALIVE and everything is connected to everything else. We believe that the entire universe is in partnership with us and co creating with us and for us.
I feel deep gratitude for the terrace holding space for me, co creating with me, present to me and embracing me without judgement or gyaan.
Perhaps it is this unconditional love that brought tears to my eyes.
They were tears of gratitude. And with this gratitude I returned back home to resume my day.
Foundation of Shamanism workshop is returning on April 27-28 2024. To learn more: ✉️ neelamnanwani@yahoo.in 📞 9979901933 🌐 shamanic-vision.net
Healing doesn’t happen by avoiding what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by desperately trying to release what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by pushing away vehemently what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by smartly numbing or conveniently suppressing what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by unconsciously masking what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by braving that feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by smiling through that feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by shopping, eating or drinking through that feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by working and making oneself busy while feeling what you are feeling.
These FALSE paradigms of work through it, push through it, rise through it, eat through it, forget about it, learn through it, seek through it, move away from it – all these have eaten us away from inside.
All our UNDIGESTED pain and sorrow is what IS the “sum total” of what we today see as the violence, abuse, insecurities, jealousy, competition, greed, control, mental illnesses, physical illnesses, etc.
We want society ills to end. But we continue violating our own self, we continue abusing our own self, we are continually either numbing pain or escaping pain and if there is someone who shows courage to live their pain, then we are continually shaming and judging their pain or journey. OR we perpetually advise them to brave their pain or work and forget about their pain.
Introspect an area of your life when you might have unconsciously done this to yourself.
Has it resulted in illness, despair, complaints, victimhood, mental breakdown later?
Has it led to stagnation?
Has it made you feel like a piece of shit within while the world continues to glorify its outward glamour while feeling empty and full of ruckus inside?
Has it made you question your existence?
Have you felt fulfilled by brushing it inside the carpet?
Has your seeking ended?
If not, then PAUSE.
Today, BEFRIEND your pain.
PS: Befriending our pain takes more courage than avoiding our pain. This is why the feminine teachings are not for the faint of heart. There is a reason Durga Rides the tiger.
Foundation of Shamanism workshop is returning on April 27-28 2024. To learn more: ✉️ neelamnanwani@yahoo.in 📞 9979901933 🌐 shamanic-vision.net
I go to a garden nearby for my daily walks. I love nature and for my own peace, I usually sit down on a bench in the park and be with tree people, plant people, rock people, mother earth, water spirits and wind spirits. (In shamanism, we address all of nature also as people giving them equal importance as humans).
I love to just BE and sometimes I do my shamanic practices sitting there on the bench. Sometimes I just be with all aspects and observe and try and breathe and be fully present.
Today the park didn’t have an empty bench and I asked a young woman sitting on a bench if she could allow me to share the space.
She graciously agreed and moved so that I could sit.
She was a regular visitor in the park and I often saw her walking bare foot, talking to someone on the phone all the time. She would give me a feeling that she was a corporate employee.
Today, I sat next to her and just happened to strike a conversation. I inquired what she does and about routine, etc. One thing led to another and our conversations deepened.
And although she didnt realise this consciously, she indeed was on an inner quest and was constantly questioning who the woman in her really was.
She was unhappy with just being a mother, a daughter, a wife or a daughter-in-law.
She didn’t phrase it exactly like this but her conversation made me feel that she was definitely on an inner quest. Coming from a typical conservative Marwadi family and a typical patriarchal set up, she was stifled and seeking not just freedom but expression of her gifts.
She had taken steps to take a stand for herself at home and moved out. Her parents got her married at a tender age of 21 and she could not pursue her studies and creativity. Her in-laws didn’t ALLOW her to continue and pursue her interests. Soon she became a mother and in the process LOST who she really was, what her own desires were and what she wanted to do.
Our conversation of just 30 minutes opened up so many tender spaces within her heart. I helped her realise the true courage of Durga that she already WAS and she indeed had taken a stand in front of her in-laws to study. She pursued psychology, graphic designing and was now studying different mediums of art.
Yet there was a chaos inside her and she was churning with regards to her identity.
We had many conversations which bordered in simple terms around the feminine and power of women, prakriti and shakti.
She wanted to express what she was learning but was afraid to take a stand. A peak into her soul brought up so many facets within her.
I saw that she was journaling and believed in the power of affirmations. I suggested that she could journal her fears and create affirmations around what she sought (like her freedom, or the search of who the woman in her really was) and although she felt scared, I reminded her that she was indeed courageous.
I told her that her inner quest had begun and even though she felt she didn’t know what to do and how to do, she would soon figure it out.
The conversation had obviously struck a chord in her heart and body and she started weeping. I got up, held her, gave her a hug and gently whispered, “You are not alone.” She cried some more. I told her she could reach out and talk to me anytime. We exchanged numbers, hugged some more and I departed for home.
I received a message from her within a few hours in which she said, “Thank you so much for saving me from drowning. I will never forget this.”
My heart is full.
It reminds me of my own mantra when I say, we make the best contribution just by BEING who we really truly ARE.
No additional effort or rocket science needed.
I could not do my daily activities that I usually do in the garden (breathing, chanting, connection to my guides and my body) but my heart is still full.
Just the gift of seeing the GIFT OF OTHERS, makes me feel blessed and heartful.
At least today, I lived a day where just by being me, contributed to someone’s soul journey so deeply.
When we (me & Paul ) visited Zion National Park in Utah, US May 2018, we stopped by at the museum which was playing a movie on Zion National Park, the Virgin river forming the canyon, various movements of earth across millions of years which gave birth to Zion National Park.
They were explaining how different forces of nature, cause changes over millions of years and how they influence in the formation of the canyon and these huge stand stones and rocks. The documentary talked about how the river keeps moving and along with forces of nature, even today, certain portions of the rocks keep getting eroded, forming new path ways, forcing the river to shift its course and form new path ways as well.
The one line from the documentary that has always stayed with me is this :- “Zion National Park” is a “Masterpiece and a work in progress”.
The river keeps carving new pathways influenced by the various elements and the weather.
Every thing is a cause and effect. Everything is ever changing, fluid, imperfect yet beautiful.
There is full allowance of destruction and re creation.
This is such so true about all of life, isn’t’ it… And also about all of us. Only if were to embody and accept this truth. The gift and beauty of who we already are and yet we are also a work in progress.
If each one of us were to embrace this truth “We are a master piece and work in progress”, our inner consciousness and outer consciousness would shift so effortlessly and magnanimously, isn’t it??
So many blocks to self worth would dissolve automatically and gone would be years of programming …. pooof.
