We all have such a deep need within each one of us to be recognised for who we are.
It gives a signal to our wounded psyches that we matter and that we deserve to exist.
When we are recognized for our being, we feel validated. We feel we matter. We feel we are not insignificant in this vast universe and we try to make a sense of why do we need to continue to live.
This sense of living gives us a meaning, a purpose to our existence. This inspires us to keep going and fuels our healthy ego.
Unfortunately this also keeps us in the loop of continuing to seek validation from others and continue to be in a space of proving our point of view.
The moment this doesn’t happen, our ego self feels threatened and is pained. The result is numbing, disassociation, anxiety, anger, frustration or any other way in which the child self wants to express itself or protect itself from this hurt or pain of not feeling significant or worthy or being unseen.
Yes, it is one of the 6 basic human needs to be seen and recognized.
This need to be seen and recognized keeps us on our toes and doesn’t let our seeking and pursuits end.
We keep seeking from one road to another, one shop to another, one job to another, one phone to another, one home, car, pieces of clothing to another.
The pendulum swings to the other end when we don’t realise that in the process of seeking and why we are seeking it, we forgot WHAT is it that we began to seek in the first place.
At the end of the day, we all wish to feel appreciated, valued and acknowledged for who we are and what we are here to be and do.
But somewhere in this process of feeling significant, we also invite the feeling of being insignificant.
Yes, there are many detours on this earth walk called life.
Before we realise it, we who in actuality desired to be seen, appreciated and validated, also somehow begin to hide and play small. (Various reasons, for this, for sure).
The dichotomy between feeling validated and being seen AND playing small and hiding keeps us ENTANGLED and looped in.
This sometimes projects as over giving (need to be needed and feel valued and important), anger for feeling helpless or violated (lack of boundaries) or totally being self centered (over compensation).
We are wounded adults in some way or the other and our inner child is in constant need for this reassurance that he/she matters and is valuable.
The constructs of society do not teach us that we do not have to EARN this significance. That we matter and are an important strand in the web of life no matter what.
This lack of embodied awareness also keeps us away from our true BEing and constantly keeps us encaged in our doing.
This whole process creates undesirable trauma and imprints and then we keep busy in another pursuit to feel significant by getting obsessed about it through our “healing process*.
What we do not realize is that we are trying to fill something with something whereas the process of Real-I-zation and the true awakening is that we already ARE enough.
And that no external substances like career, job, money, home or healing practice is going to fill that emptiness of the worthiness pot.
And through my own pitfalls while being on this journey of mending the brokenness within, TRYING to fill it up with this or that, I am beginning to realise that nothing I DO can fill this pot.
Not because I am trying to fill the worthiness with something external..
BUT
Because the pot that I thought was empty IS actually already full. However, no one has ever told me so nor have we been taught to Access That which already IS & Exists.
Our living in this earthly walk comes always with conditions attached as emerged through the human construct.
We do not know or perhaps are never categorically taught to Access That Which Already IS.
We are only fed with conditional worthiness.
I am worthy to be seen only if this happens or I am worthy to be recognised only if I do this or that and so on.
And in my opinion, to be able to access what already IS there, IS the true purpose of healing and our BEing.
Nothing less. Nothing more.
To access I AM is the true journey.
Is there a destination ? Does it matter as long as “I AM” ??
The more we ‘push hard’ to heal something, the more we defy the core of healing, that we are actually already whole.
This entire push to correct, fix, heal actually takes us away from the simplicity and wholeness which the healing process should induce and bring forth.
If you are with a healer, no matter how great he/she is, if he/she cannot remind you of your own wholeness and simplicity of your healing process, but rather induces fear or rather inculcates complexity, then you should know you are being manipulated to feeling ‘less than’ the whole and complete that you already are.
Healing can NEVER happen from a space of feeling ‘less than’ from within because then we are chasing the same dog who keeps barking at us and yet eludes us.
Neither do we enjoy the companionship or unconditional love of that dog nor does it ever become our ally. It instead remains our tormentor in chief.
And the worst part is, modality after modality, healing after healing, this torment does not cease.
It only perpetuates.
That is why our healing process never seems to end because like a product driven culture we too are in a rush always to fix it, heal it so that we do not feel the pain, uncertainty, anguish and fear of the chaos.
This is where we get exploited into believing that healing requires a LOT from us.
What I am learning and re-learning is that healing is actually very simple. We all need to remember that the universe is not an evil entity chasing us BUT it is a benevolent force partnering with us.
However, sometimes what seems to be working against us, is actually working towards and for us.
How only if we had our wise ones, ancient ones, elders, true loving guides in the human realm they would so profoundly re-iterate this wisdom to us.
This is where our connection to the Divine/creator/to our own SELF/Great Spirit is wholesomely encouraged to be developed.
After Paul left, my sense of self has been extremely diminished. And the repetitive and the only message I could trust coming from Paul was, “Develop your connection” to Spirit.
This statement in its entirety is only opening up its various petals, now, as I reflect upon my illness (mental, emotional, spiritual and physical).
The healing journey though feels endless and painful, is and can actually be simple.
All we need to learn is to just BE with our self, understand the SELF and reclaim the SELF.
Rest everything automatically falls into its place. Even the pieces of the puzzle which so often befuddle us always.
Paul’s death has PROVED it to me that we as a society don’t know how to grieve and more so don’t know how to be there for someone in grief. It is so sad that we have reached a state where we need to find courage to talk to a person who is in grief and don’t often know what to say or be there for that person. It is so sad that as a collective we have to be “taught” how to process grief, how to offer support for a person who is in shock or grief and how to process our own emotions of inadequacy, numbness, shock, anger, guilt and sorrow when someone’s near and dear one passes away and we find ourselves so helpless. I am not angry because I have no support or human connection available to me in the time of my greatest loss. I am fortunate for the love and kindness that is coming my way virtually and physically in bits and pieces. I am angry for the sorry state of shitty affairs our collective has come down to where everyone feels grieving is a solitary process to be done in hiding and one gets befuddled in how to hold the person in tenderness & love when some one is in grief. Why should I glorify myself ?? I was in a similar state a few years ago and only when I stepped in to the grief few years ago, I realised how this process is so difficult and yet how grief is sacred and yet how much we need someone to hold us in our grief. We have become accustomed to grieving in isolation because of the shame associated with grief, because the grieving publicly or with someone makes us vulnerable and be perceived as weak. So we want to hide. But these defenses we have built because of our conditioning and the society not acknowledging the sacredness of grief. Grief is a prayer. Grief is sacred. Grief is a portal. Grief is a death. Grief is re birth. Grief can be drowning if done in isolation. Grief needs a physical container to hold and keep the person afloat. Grief needs our tender care and tending. Grief needs a reminder of the honoring of our pain and our heart. It brings down the walls we learn to build over a period of time. It takes courage to cry and courage to allow oneself to FEEL FULLY OUR PAIN. The more we are comfortable with our own emotions without feeling fear or shame or guilt or inadequacy, the more we will find ourselves equipped to be there for the other without questioning this or that. The more we will understand the concept of just holding the person not just in words but through the physical embodiment of it without feeling uncomfortable, without the desire to advise or to fix. We will know how to be fully present in our body for the other even with silence, with gentle tender loving care. Body speaks. One doesn’t need to do or say anything. Sometimes a person in isolation is also unable to manage the mundane or even unable to grieve. This is where the tribe would hold space in the ancient times. Let the person just BE and be there for the person in grief and manage the mundane on their behalf. Give enough time and space till the person is ready to come back. And if someone is indeed holding the fort, this coming back becomes possible because you know you are needed back in the groove of life by one and many. When we grieve, we have one foot in the other world. The desire to live goes away at times and there is an intense sense of despair and hopelessness. We try to find hope in the eyes of others. We try to feel the love in the sacred touch / hug of others. We try to believe in life again through the smile of others. We stay connected to this world through the presence of others. The trauma gets processed in time not leading to further power loss or energy loss or soul loss and hence ensuring health and wellbeing in mind body and spirit. I can go on and on about the importance of grief and grieving together as a community and the sole importance of just feeling our pain fully. So much undigested pain and sorrow we carry within our bones, within the collective. This undigested pain and sorrow gets an outlet as anger, abuse, violence, greed, power, control disease and in extreme cases, even death. , Everything, after all, is energy, isn’t it?? It is up to you how you will shape and allow your grief and be there for others in their grief. We are the torchbearers who will correct the deformities and dysfunctions, we have become, won’t we ?? In spite of my own grief, I feel compelled to write about this. I cannot stress the importance of all of this enough.
Because that is part of being “human”. That is part of relating. That is part of allowing. That is part of Being.
To hold back even when someone extends themselves is fear.
It is ok to be cautious. It is ok to not want to trust or be all out suddenly. But remember to be not so cautious that you draw a wall instead of a boundary.
Blessings for blossoming of your Spirt, heart, mind and body in 2021.
Feeling empty, rejected, betrayed, unseen, unrecognized, unacknowledged, invalidated, over compensating, proving, having this deep desire to help and fix others, over extending one’s self always and compromising on one’s own needs, always comes from a deep space of feeling unloved within.
Whatever be the reason for not feeling loved, it is the root cause of all our problems.
Lack of love causes lack of abundance.
Feeling unloved has a potential to create deep rooted financial issues as well. When we feel deeply unloved, we set our inner programming to something is wrong with me, leading to feeling deeply small, unworthy, inadequate within.
This could lead us to living highly disempowering lives. We either over compensate by being obsessed with seeking material pleasures or our finances get depleted and inadequate as well.
Feeling unloved (lack of love) leads to several addictions
When we feel deeply unloved, we tend to fill that void of love through work, sex, smoking, alcohol, food, other substances, over giving, over mothering, through relationships, travel or any other over indulgence.
Addictions are nothing but our own unconscious way of seeking to fill that emptiness or void (internal) through something (external).
Feeling unloved creates health issues.
When I was a child, I used to fall ill very frequently. When I grew up and embarked on the journey of my healing, I attended a course in hypnotherapy. During the course, we were connecting with our inner children. I took up this issue of my acidity.
When we regressed to the past, it was uncovered that the illness was the child self’s way of screaming for love and attention.
Yes, feeling unloved creates health issues.
Feeling unloved creates failure in relationships
When we feel deeply unloved within, we seek to fill that emptiness by seeking love outside. When we seek to enter into a relationship from a space of feeling unworthy, unloved within, we tend to get clingy or co dependant in our relationships. We either land up over giving (without realizing it), we lose our self even more and we seek the other to make us feel better through the external love or attention.
But the hole that is lurking inside doesn’t get filled no matter how much external love comes in. That void continues to exist like a never ending pit. A wounded girl feeling unloved WILL attract a wounded boy feeling unloved or who will further project that feeling of being unloved in her by his unconscious actions.
A wounded boy WILL attract a wounded girl who no matter how much she loves him, he will never feel enough and he will continue seeking it and thirsting for it like an endless well which never gets full and never feels fulfilled. She will continue projecting his void in some way or the other and both will create another recipe for disaster or a dysfunction.
Many a times the only expression of our pain that we feel is through our anger. Anger many times is a result of feeling violated or unloved within.
When one feels unloved, the deep rooted belief that develops in a person is “I am not loved because something might be wrong with me.” This creates deep unworthiness and feeling of being small within.
When we feel small inside, we always try to compensate this feeling either by projecting our flamboyance or by proving we are superior to the other. This itself begins the fall of all good within.
This proving or unworthiness often leads to extreme projections of greed, control, violence and abuse.
Depression
When we feel rejected or unloved by one or all, we unconsciously tend to reject the Self. We forget who we are in order to fit in. This rejection of the Self often creates disassociation, disconnection, deep sense of sadness emanating from this disconnection from one’s true self and in extreme cases anxiety and depression.
We all long for feeling connected and this connection begins with our own self. When we feel unloved, we lose trust in the process of life, we lose our childlike innocence in the wonderment of life and it often leads to feeling disappointed, angry, disheartened and frustrated with life.
These are but a few evils of feeling unloved. And yet we run for seeking the fulfillment of love through external measures like money, greed, control, relationships, substances, work, sex etc.
So what is the solution? Well there isn’t any except the realization that if we have been deeply unloved by the other, it now becomes our primary responsibility to love one’s own child self.
There has been a lot of talk around the planetary shifts which took place on December 21st. Two major planets Saturn and Jupiter, came in conjunction with each other that night. It was called the birth of a new consciousness, moving into the age of Aquarian or progressing into 5D consciousness.
So, have we understood clearly what these aspects really mean? Is it going to be that simple?
While I am neither an expert in astrology nor in dimensions, what I have understood in layman’s terms is this:
3D = ego-based consciousness (unhealthy ego ) and 5D = heart-based consciousness, aka the Shamanic way of being and living.
So yes, a new era awaits. A rebirth awaits.
We are being ushered into a new way of being, one more heart-based, more in sync, and in alignment with the journey of our souls.
When we align our life path with that of the Soul, rather than desires emanating from a mind-based or ego-based way of being, we begin to reclaim our Divinity. Doing so, we let go of self-induced bondage.
This is the beginning of a great return. Mystics call it moksha, some call it enlightenment, while some call it a new age.
However, our programming is linked to struggle. The old paradigm stated we must work hard to succeed. Obsessed with money, our self-esteem is tied to our income. Living thus, we undermine our heart. We neglect BEing in a consciousness’s value state of love or in what is called the unity or zero field.
Often, we are more concerned with how much money we are making. We ponder how we can have a bigger home, a bigger car, and bigger everything. Even those on the spiritual path are more concerned with making money rather than following their calling and being of service.
This desire for a bigger everything has led us to where we are right now. We do not know who we are, nor why we are here. We may or may not have the so-called money, yet, there is a deep sense of incompleteness and longing that lingers in every being.
Mindless expansion without really seeking what we genuinely need has led us to a great imbalance. Instead, living in alignment with our heart and Soul and in partnership with Mother Earth brings us what we seek.
Yes, money matters; however, it is only energy. But the intention with which we put into our work hugely contributes to this abundance. Are we operating out of the heart field consciousness? Are we being of service, or are we operating out of our ego-centric desires?
Can the ushering of this new age automatically change and bring everything to balance?
Well, not overnight. It is going to take work. More and more people will be pushed to an awakening, nudged to follow what their heart and Soul truly desires.
This may create more chaos. It might mean getting out of our comfort zones and doing that which feels totally intangible or uncertain. Yet, old ways won’t work anymore.
The changes will depend on how effortlessly we apply these inner callings and how much we resist.
There are so many layers to unfolding into this state of BEING, and a colossal metamorphosis awaits.
To the ease and extent to which we are able to allow this metamorphosis and to the extent we are able to differentiate and become aware of our healthy ego-self which liberates and unhealthy ego-self which binds, will decide the ease or discomfort of this transition.
Know this – whatever energy and intention you hold deep within will manifest with ease. BUT, are you willing to get out of your ego? Are you prepared to enter into the deep trust, inner knowing, and willing to surrender to your heart?
Are you willing to dive into the unknown and follow the whispers of your Soul?
It’s going to be a tricky road ahead, a road filled with tons of opportunities for this metamorphosis and a road paving the way for a heart-centered way of being that births an alignment with the healthy ego-centered way of being.
One can call this 5D or Christ consciousness or the age of Aquarian or the oneness of twin flame union energies.
Names don’t matter. What matters is the core understanding of this simple, profound aspect of the metaphoric field that is opening for all of us.
It may get challenging for those who fear inner work; it may come with ease for those who are present and aware.
Nevertheless, metaphoric fields generate chaos and clarity, grief and joy, contraction and expansion, drama, and simplicity.
It has all begun, and it shall continue to expedite in the coming days and months and year.
Watch attachments to situations, or certain people, fears, beliefs, and comfort zone ways of being.
Therefore, show up for what presents itself. Play along with the changes, surrender, trust, and deepen into your heart consciousness.
2021 is going to be another heck of a ride. And remember, it’s not about the ride. It is more about the Rider.
